Sunday, December 24, 2006

My latest poem, An Intruder Called Love

An Intruder Called Love

On an unwary day,
It appeared to me,
Like a thief on a dark day,
It stole the whole of me.

Bewildered by a new feeling,
Overwhelmed with new hope,
Started my journey of fulfilling,
This blessed gift some call ‘love’.

Burning inside me I can feel,
Love’s true passion scorching my soul,
Ready to do whatever I will,
To have my love forever to hold.

Sometimes I wonder what good I have done,
To receive a love so purely divine,
Though good looks and gold I have none,
Still hoping someday she’ll be mine.

Deeper and deeper I fall each day,
Departing from you makes me blue,
Claim your heart one day I may,
That will be my dream come true.

I’ll end this by saying my love is true,
Till my last breath I breathe for you,
Doubt not my feelings for it’s a clue,
That I’ll never forsake my love for you.

Spent about 4 hours pouring out my feelings to write this and I’m still not happy with the final result. I’m still working on improving it a bit, because I know it’s not that great yet. If anyone has some ideas on how I could change the words or anything to improve it, let me know, maybe I’ll let you be a co-author, if your idea is accepted that is… hehehehe!

Thanks for reading it

P.S. I swear I wrote it myself, no plagiarism… LOL!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

I feel like shite...

Hurmmm... sumtimes life is so unfair. The best thing that could ever happen to me was just dangling in front of me, but when I reached out to touch it i realised that its untouchable, an illusion. I guess its normal to feel burnt, crushed n broken down when these kinda things happen but I’m glad that illusion didn't fade away, i can still see it, but its like 'see no touch, touch no see'.  How I wish the world were different. I know I’m not worthy of the illusion, and I respect that fact now. I just don't want that illusion to leave me for good coz i really love its presence in my life; it made me a better man. Illusion, i will always love u no matter wat...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

We don't have all the answers...

Sometimes we think that we have the answers to everything. We’re confident that we are the best at what we do and we don’t need anyone to tell us that we’re wrong. Well, that’s the dumbest thing humans do. Humans were designed to be learning creatures, because knowledge and wisdom knows no boundaries. No one can be declared the smartest person in the world because smartness is not calculated with a mathematical formula, but by what we see and hear in our everyday lives. Sometimes, it’s nice to sit and listen, and not say a word. It will teach you and fascinate you.

Don’t shut out the world, be open to the numerous possibilities out there and do not dispose of any thought, thinking that it is useless; it could be a spark to greater heights.

The lesson:

"The more you think you know about something, the more you know that you don’t know everything"

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Lesson to learn...

Expectancy is the key to disappointment. I mean, the more you expect something, the more likely it is for you to be left empty handed and bitter. People always expect things to be done for them but people who can’t say ‘no’ to them, your boss, your family, your loved one. That cycle should be broken and people should be allowed to say ‘no’, regardless of the reason, because what is the point of living if we don’t have choices in our lives. We should dictate how we live, not other people. We should be who we actually are, and not someone who other people like because we always please them. We’re not made to be pretenders. Boundaries should be clearly defined to keep us from falling into the slavery of always pleasing others before ourselves. Learning how to say ‘yes’ is always easy, learning how to say ‘no’ will be difficult because others won’t let us say it. So, that’s what I’m learning now.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

I've found my way...

Falling in love is a lot easier than falling out of it. The memories last forever. Even if you try to move on, there’s always something that holds you back. You can never forget someone who has made a change in your life. No matter who you will be with in the future, the person that you let go made you the person that you are in the future. I have done my best to let go, I finally did, but somehow she still lingers in my heart. It hurts to let go, I can’t deny that, but it hurts even more to hope that someday we will be together. Which one is worse? I can’t choose. It hurts all the same. It has drained me mentally, emotionally and physically. I couldn’t hold on to this insanity any longer, I’m losing my grip, but now, I’ve bounced back, I’ve reclaimed my soul and my identity. I feel that the burden has been lifted. Now I can focus on myself for once. So, basically I’m back to my old self.  

Monday, October 30, 2006

A tribute to my best friends...

What is friendship to you? Well, to me, friendship is:

Never having to say I am sorry because I know they've already forgiven me;
Never having to say I need you because I know they're willing to sacrifice the world for me;
Never having to say I appreciate you because I know they'll stick around for me;
Never having to say I don't want you to go because I know they'll always be bugging me;
Above all, never having to say you're my best friend because I know that the feeling is mutual.

Somehow when best friends depart, there is the feeling of emptiness that can never filled, not even by the greatest love. Friendship dwells on a level higher than love itself. It demands unspoken acts of patients, respect, admiration, appreciation, modesty, compassion, and mutual understanding. Some people say friendship does not last forever and that good things always come to a better end. I say friendship looks not with the eyes, but with the heart. That’s where friendship comes from and it stays there till you take it with you to your grave.

I feel sad that my best friends (most of them) have left and won’t be coming back for a long time. I just saw them not too long ago and I already miss them so dearly. I know that they’re always with me in heart and soul but it’s depressing to think that they can’t be around us physically. I never told them how much their friendship means to me (they’ll probably just laugh when I say this… hehehe!) but every time I think of the good times we had together, I smile to myself hoping that we’ll be together again one fine day, and that hope is what I live for.

Sattiya, Me & Naresh... We've been through storms together...

The Matcha Gang (Suresh, Cassie, Lingam, Sattiya, Edmond, Me & Naresh)!

My dear 'sis' Kanchan, my guardian angel...

Suraya, my dreamgurl, I'd go insane without you by my side...

Thanks guys and gals for every thing we did together and I’ll come back to haunt you even if I die before you… hehehe! Take care and God bless.

Good friends start their sentences with "I", best friends start heir sentences with "We".

Friday, October 27, 2006

Romantic Ideas & Gifts

Here is our list of the 10 most romantic ideas and gifts:

1. Something Original
Name a star after your sweetheart :
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2. Message In A Bottle
Romantic, mysterious, and intriguing :
Timeless Message

3. Gold Roses
Real roses preserved in 24kt gold :

4. Teddy Bears
Beautifully packaged, with personalized message :
Bear Affection

5. Love Greeting Cards
Send a beautiful greeting card for free :

6. Flowers
Over 1000 flower arrangements online :

7. Books
For "fairy tale" relationships :
Men Made Easy
300 Creative Dates
Perfect Love Letters
The Woman Men Adore
Bring Back A Lost Love
How To Get Your Ex Back
Single Man's Guide To Great Women

8. Engraved Gifts
Lockets, keepsake boxes, frames, candle holders, etc. :
(Gifts can be personalized,
engraved, or monogrammed for no extra charge. Enjoy free shipping on orders over $75.)
Engravable Gift Collection

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Learn about the various pieces :
zChocolates Guide

10. Online Massage Lessons
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Want More?
For additional romantic ideas, check out

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Whats going on these days... Just an update

I actually enjoyed myself this semester at college. Bonding with my new friends in college was really fun, especially for my Project Management subject. I worked with the best team members in the class and the best Project Manager, me… LOL! But seriously, my team members were very dedicated and hardworking. The actually accepted the orders and workload that I gave each of them without question and executed them perfectly. Thanks to Yoges, Christina, Jason and Keanne. I hope to be your Project Manager in future assignments as well LOL! But I still did work ok… a lot of work…

I’ve managed to conquer whatever depression I had and I’ve decided to make myself stronger and more confident. Thanks to the people around me (mainly my close friends like Suraya, Cassie, Ashley, Niff and Yew Fei), my life now is a lot better. Friends always!

What else… my exam is coming soon. 31st October to be precise. Starting on 1st November, I’ll be on a 2 month holiday… errrrr…. I want to work but… it’s hard to find a good job these days. I guess I’ll just have to keep looking. I can’t imagine sitting at home for 2 months… I’ll go crazy within the 1st week.

Hmmm… suddently I have this craving to learn Spanish. I also want to learn Flash programming. That will give me something to do for the holidays. Some online tutorials would help I guess.

Friday, September 22, 2006

My Birthdate Meaning...

16 April 1985

Your date of conception was on or about 24 July 1984 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday
under the astrological sign Aries.
Your Life path number is

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2446171.5.
golden number for 1985 is 10.
epact number for 1985 is 8.
The year 1985 was not a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/20/1985 and ending 2/8/1986.
You were born in the
Chinese year of the Ox.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Hawk; your plant is Dandelion.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paony, the second month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

As of 9/22/2006 5:30:08 AM EDT
You are 21 years old.
You are 257 months old.
You are 1,118 weeks old.
You are 7,829 days old.
You are 187,901 hours old.
You are 11,274,090 minutes old.
You are 676,445,408 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.06418786692759 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)

Your birthstone is Diamond

The Mystical properties of Diamond

Diamonds are said to increase personal clarity to help one see things clearly as well as be straight-forward and honest. Supposedly, the higher quality the diamond, the better it is supports these qualities.

Your birth tree is
Maple, Independence of Mind

No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

My latest literature creation... my new poem

If She Were Mine

Kiss her when I’m loving her,
Heed her when I’m broken down,
Feel her when I’m lonely,
Hold her when I’m fearful.

Touch her when I’m needing her,
Clutch her when I’m fallen,
Hug her when I’m chilly,
Tickle her when I’m joyful.

Tell her when I’m proud of her,
Seek her when I’m unseen,
Trust her when I’m plunging swiftly,
Dream her when I’m blissful.

Author: Jonathan Nathan

I’d rather call it a sonnet rather than a poem, because I used synecdoche. This effort is my best by far. I hope that it draws criticism as well as inspiration. It’s not perfect, but it’s fruitful. Feel free to suggest changes or new verses (your name will be accredited to it also), but send it to my email so that its easier for my to reply.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

I'd Do This For My Gurl...


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Congrads to Hannah Tan! Malaysia’s Sexiest Woman 2006!

I’ve been a fan of hers for a very long time now. To finally see her on the cover of FHM Magazine for being Malaysia’s Sexiest Woman 2006 (as voted online by Malaysians), it’s amazing.

She’s beautiful I have to admit (Miss Malaysia Petite 2002/2003 – Winner, Miss Global Petite International World Finals 2002/2003 – 2nd Runner Up) but the reason she’s so amazing to me is because she’s really brainy and has a great personality. She studied Information Systems at KDU and she maintained a 4.0 GPA. She must be the world’s most beautiful geek-chick. She’s an actress, beauty queen, model, singer and TV hostess. If had a chance to meet someone I admire, I would defiantly choose Hannah. She’s just so gorgeous.

Personal Info:
Nationality: Malaysian
Race: Chinese-Kelabit
Place of Birth: Penang
Date of Birth: 25th October
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Hair Length: Long, past-shoulder
Hair Texture: Thick, straight
Eye Color: Brown
Skin Color: Light tan
Skin Type: Combination
Dress Size: S
Swimsuit Size: S
Shoe Size: 5-6 (depending on type of shoe)

Height: 5 feet 4 inches
Weight: 47 kilograms
Bust: 34 inches
Waist: 24 inches
Hips: 34 inches
Collar: 13 inches
Shoulder: 16 inches
Neck to Waist: 16 inches
Inseam: 24.5 inches
Out seam: 35 inches

Academic Info:
Bsc. (Hons.) in Computing and Information Systems

University of Lincolnshire and Humberside UK/KDU College Penang

Higher Diploma in Computer Studies
KDU College Penang (Graduation Class Distinction, GPA 4.0)

International Advanced Diploma in Computer Studies
NCC (Correspondence self-study with the National Computing Centre in UK)
Graduation Class Distinction

International Diploma in Computer Studies
NCC (Correspondence self-study with the National Computing Centre in UK)
Graduation Class Distinction

KDU Overall Top Student Valedictorian Award
July 2001

KDU Merit Scholarship Award
August 2000
April 2000
January 2000
August 1999
April 1999

Pageant Achievements:
Miss Global Petite International World Finals 2002/2003 (Montreal, CANADA)
2nd Runner-up
1 Subsidiary Title (Miss Congeniality)

Miss Malaysia Petite 2002/2003
1 Subsidiary Title

Miss Perak Petite 2002/2003
1 Subsidiary Title

Miss Penang Pesta Millennium 2001/2002
4 Subsidiary Titles

For more info, check out:

Saturday, September 02, 2006

What the heck I did during my holidays… ermmm…

Basically nothing… for 3 weeks! Maybe the highlight of the holiday period was when I finished Diablo II. I think I would have broken the whole record by finishing the game at level 26, while everyone I know finished it only after level 40 or 50. So the feeling of accomplishing that was really amazing. It’s like I actually achieved something. “I came, I saw, I conquered!”

Besides that my recent trip to Port Dickson with my cousins was fun, although I came back with a bruised foot (after playing football on the beach). We experimented with my cousins’ dogs by testing if dogs are natural swimmers. Lol! I know, it’s stupid. We took the dogs out to sea and dumped them in the water; they enjoyed playing fetch with a plastic ball in the middle of the sea.

That’s about it for my holiday highlights… I basically did nothing (I told you!). I actually miss going to college… I want studies (No, I’m not high!) and I miss looking at the chicks in college. I’m going back to college this Monday. So, I hope that this semester is going to be a good one.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

'Normal guys' need a chance to prove themselves, girls...

Why don’t normal guys get a chance? I hate the way some girls expect their so called ‘dream guys’ to have the 3C’s: Cash, Credit Card & Car. I don’t understand how that it can be an expectation somehow, that a guy that has all that will be a good boyfriend/husband automatically. Those guys prefer to use their cash and toys do the talking and loving, it that what girls these days really want? Where do all the guys that don’t have all those things fit in? They just don’t get a chance because they don’t fit girls’ fantasies.

Guys that don’t have the ‘luxuries of life’ (so to speak) may not be the complete guys but they can certainly provide a girl with the ‘luxuries of love’. Guys that have all the best luxuries do get a lot of girls, but they also lose the meaning of love, it becomes a sport rather than a commitment. I’m proud to say that I’m a normal guy that may not have the 3C’s or even good looks but I’m confident that I do have a big heart with a lot of love to give. I’d rather work my way to success to provide a girl with all the best rather than to splash out my parents’ money. I’m confident that I’ll be at the top one day and I’d want to have a girl that appreciates the fact that I’ve worked my way to the top rather than a girl that just appreciates what I have.

Shakespeare’s words in the classic, A Midsummer Night's Dream, still linger in my mind:
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind”. I guess that this doesn’t really happen these days. So girls, please give guys like us a chance in the future because what we lack materialistically, we have in heart and soul. That’s what eternal love means.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Life Inspiring Movies

These are the movies that have left a mark on my life in one way or another. They teach us many important values and lessons in life. Watch them and you’ll know what I mean.

  1. A Walk To Remember

  2. Scent of A Woman

  3. Jerry Maguire

  4. Girl Next Door

  5. The Matrix

  6. The Freshman

  7. The Lord of the Rings

  8. I Am Sam

  9. Forrest Gump

  10. Gladiator

  11. Patch Adams

  12. Any Given Sunday

  13. Top Gun

  14. Spiderman

Saturday, August 19, 2006

A Walk To Remember...

Well, some people say that inspiration is the key to success. I watched “A Walk To Remember” again today and I realise that life is too short for us to waste on doing things that are unmeaning. Reflecting on what I’ve done so far makes me want to do more to better myself and I want to strive to find my place in the world again. It tells me to appreciate the people that are important to me and it teaches me how to love without expecting anything back in return. I don’t know why but that movie inspires me each time I watch it. It makes me feel good about myself and about the people around me. I’ve done many bad things in my life, but with God’s help, I can turn it around and never look back.

I can say how successful I’ll be in turning my life around but I feel motivated to make a difference no matter what it takes. God has given me a sign, I cannot ignore it, it’s a miracle to me. Watch the movie, you’ll feel the same way…

Memorable Quotes

“What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies." – Aristotle (used in A Walk To Remember)

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.” - Proverbs 23:7, The Bible (used in A Walk To Remember)

“There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three thingsthat last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”
– (used in A Walk To Remember)

Jerry Maguire: I won't let you get rid of me.
Jerry Maguire: Im not letting you get rid of me. how about that? tonight our company, our little buisness had a very big night, but it wasnt complete. it wasnt even close to being in the same vacinity as complete, because i couldnt share it with you. i couldnt laugh about it with you. im miss... i miss my wife.
Jerry Maguire: I love you. You... complete me.
Dorothy: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello."
- (used in Jerry Maguire)

"Roses are red,
Some diamonds are blue,
Chivalry is dead,
But you're still kinda cute."

"They call me Thomas,
Last name Crown,
Recognize game,
I'm a lay mine's down."
- Nelly Furtado - Promiscuous Girl

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Damn... 3-week holiday!

I’ve just completed my first semester at INTI Nilai today. It was a fun semester but also sickening because of the heavy load from coursework and tests. Well, I’ve got a 3-week break now and I really don’t know what to do with it. I can’t work because it’s too short and I can’t really go anywhere because my pockets are dry. Can’t imagine being at home for that duration… I should find something to do before I go insane.

Just sat for my exam today…. I think a few A’s are due and overall, my results have been great so far (not the final marks). At least that will give me some peace of mind during my holidays. For once, I’m actually looking forward to get my results.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Yet another update

Well I decided not to go for SEGi’s Prom Nite, coz I heard that even SEGi’s own students are boycotting the event coz they think that SEGI is being rather ‘cheap’ by having the event at the SEGi building itself. I can’t imagine 150 people fitting into a cramped building like that. Looks like that they’ll never loose that stinginess that they’ve always had, even since when I was there.

Hmmm… my PTPTN loan just got accepted and I guess I’ll be covered until I finish my studies. They’ll give me an extra of RM500 per month just for my expenses, so that means that I don’t have to find a job during the holidays. But maybe I will because I can’t imagine sitting in the house and not doing anything throughout the whole holidays.

My friends are down from overseas, mostly from Russia coz they’re studying medic over there. Somehow, it seems like I’m back in high school when I’m with them. Everything we do has to involve doing something stupid. Its fun and I really miss it. Its like we had never grown up since high school. Brings back old memories, fond ones.

Friday, July 14, 2006

An update of whats going on

Well, college has been better than expected. Although, I must complain that exams and projects have been a pain in the ass. Met some new friends and they seem nice. I guess my life is returning to normal, for the moment. I’m glad it is because settling in was difficult. Looks like I’ve been invited for SEGI’s Prom Nite by some of my juniors in my old college. I wonder who will I take, cause I won’t go with guys (I know, ego problem… lol!) It’s on the 29th of this month, so I still have some time. I’ve been thinking about my future lately, I wonder what I would be like. Well, meeting Hannah Tan would be a dream come true. Hahaha! Lets just see if that happens in the future. In the mean time, the present is still in front of me and I’ve got to fight through it.

Watched The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift. It was a really good movie and the chicks were very fine… I would recommend the movie to anyone but the slack part of the movie is the lead actor… a cowboy in Tokyo sounds like a 70’s war movie. His slang was so cowboy-ish and didn’t suit the movie at all. They should have gotten the guy who played the lead actor in the last movie. He was good. I really admire the drifting skills of the Japanese drivers because it was mind-boggling. Takes a genius to do what those guys did in the movie. Thumbs up to them.

Sunday, June 25, 2006


I feel like somehow I’m changing, changing into this person who has given up on everything I hold dear. Like I’ve given up on myself. There’s still that one thing that I wish I had, but also afraid to lose. I’m afraid that I’ll never get it back. Its too precious, too important. Giving that up hasn’t been easy on me. It left a hole in my heart and doubts in my mind. God hasn’t given up on me but I feel like the world has. I guess I’d better get used to solidarity. It’s a difficult transition but I don’t have a choice. ‘A man is a man because of the choices he makes’. I guess I’ll have to make my decision, and I don’t think that I’ll take the easy route out of this.

Empty Void in Me

I feel like I’m trying to fill an empty void inside me. I feel like something is missing, but I don’t know what that is. I’ve tried everything to fill that void but it just keeps getting bigger. I hate filling up that void just to make myself happy for a while. Somehow I know that it will haunt me after that. I know I cannot rest till I find a permanent way of closing that void. I hurts badly, sometimes takes me to the brink of depression. What can I do?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Stars Are blind

Somehow I really like the lyrics (especially the chorus part) to this song and the tune of the song is also quite good. Kudos to Paris for her debut in singing but I won’t say that she did great, it’s a good effort at most.

Paris Hilton – Stars Are Blind

I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do

Baby i'm perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you

Baby I'm perfect for you

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Even though the gods are crazy

Even though the stars are blind

Friday, June 23, 2006

Does love need a reason?

One day a gal asked: why do you like me..? why do you love me..? HE answered: i can't tell the reason.. but i really like you.. SHE: you can't even tell me the reason.. how can you say you like me? how can you say you love me? HE: i really don't know the reason, but i can prove that i love you. SHE: proof? no! i want you to tell me the reason. my friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you! HE: ok..ok!! ermmss.. because you are beautiful, because your voice is sweet, because you are caring, because you are loving, because you are thoughtful, because of your smile, because of your every movements. the gal felt very satisfied with his answer. unfortunately, a few days later, the gal met with an accident and became comma. HE then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content: darling, because of your sweet voice that I love you... now can you talk? no! therefore i cannot love you. because of your care and concern that i like you.. now that you cannot show them, therefore i cannot love you. because of your smile, because of your every movements that i love you.. now can you smile? now can you move? no, therefore i cannot love you... if love needs a reason, like now, there is no reason for me to love you anymore. do love need a reason? NO! therefore, i still love you... and love doesn't need a reason "sometimes the best and the most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, cannot be touched, but can be felt in the heart" love doesn't need a reason... its something you can feel burning inside your heart and waiting to be explode of love... please.. never ever ask someone why do they love u…

Friday, June 09, 2006

I have served my purpose... nothing left to look forward to...

Everyone born on this earth has a purpose. Life just travels in a loop, we do the same things over and over again everyday and we always look forward to a purpose. What happens when you have served your purpose and there’s nothing to look forward to anymore? That’s when you start feeling empty, abandoned, restless and useless. You begin to hate yourself and also those around you. You feel like no one needs you anymore and the world will still move on without you. I feel like I’ve served my purpose and I’m lost… so what now?

Friday, June 02, 2006

My Special Someone

Sometimes you don’t realise how much some people actually mean to you. When the whole world comes down on you, you think that there’s nobody to hold and console you. You feel like the whole world has abandoned you. Then, there is that special someone who comes to your rescue. The love that you feel from this special someone is greater than any you have ever felt before. Somehow, you become addicted to it, you feel that it’s apart of you and you need to feel it everyday. When you face a problem, difficulty or feel lost, you just picture this person in your mind and everything just melts away. I have found my special someone. Have you?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Pondering on Poetry

I received an offer to publish one of my poems with Nobel House (book publishers in England). After thinking about it for a while, I decided to reject the proposal. I know that the decision might sound stupid but I feel that the poem will loose its meaning and effect on the person whom I wrote it for. It’s meant to be something special and something unique that I can give to that person and they will treasure it for life because it is dedicated to them and only them. On the contrary, I posted my poems on, a site dedicated to collecting poems written by infamous writers.

My poems were written out of love and appreciation, not greed. So, I don’t care if my poems don’t get published or I don’t make money out of it. As long as the person I wrote it for appreciates it, that would be the greatest gift I could receive.

My work so far (I’ve done more than this but these are only the best ones, I’m not so happy with the others):

This Is How Much You Mean To Me

You came to me at my darkest plight,
Saved me my life’s great fight,
How I wish you here to tonight,
To clutch and hold till morning’s bright.

You will always bewilder in my mind,
The sweet silent invader of my dreams,
Always enduring, always distracting,
I pray these notions forever linger.

You will forever be my greatest pride,
To defend and honour till end of time,
Your flesh and blood embedded in me,
Part of me you will eternally be.

Dream Girl

I love the way you make me smile,
The way you whisper sweet words of bliss,
Which makes my day a dream come true.

I love the way you laugh with me,
The way you giggle, it makes me so warm and fuzzy,
Which makes me never want to part with you for life.

I love the way you comfort me,
The way you console and soothe my heart,
Which makes me fall even deeper in love.

I love the way you look at me,
The way you gaze with eyes looking right into me,
Which makes me feel like you want to know everything about me.

Best of all, I love the way you are who you are,
The way you are the best thing that could ever happen to me,
Which makes me ask what I did to deserve a miracle.

My Dear Friend*

Forgive me,
You've probably heard it before from me,
Yet you've never got tired of hearing it from me,
Instead, you've always brought sunshine to me,

A smile, when others brought me none,
A laugh, when others gave me sadness,
A hand, when others pushed me down,
A shoulder, when others made me cry.

Will I always be there for you?
When you need someone, will I be that one you need?
Will I do all my best to protect you when the world closes down on you?
When tears fall down from your eyes, will I be the one to wipe it away?
Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night?
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life?
Will I be there to make you strong and to lean on?
When you feel like the world is turning cold, will I be the one that's there to hold you?
Will I be the one that's always by your side?
I promise I will,Always and forever…

* = Not really happy with this one, could have been better.

Monday, May 22, 2006

This is how much you mean to me

A little something I wrote for my special someone, my sis:

You came to me at my darkest plight,
Saved me my life’s great fight,
How I wish you here to tonight,
To clutch and hold till morning’s bright.

You will always bewilder in my mind,
The sweet silent invader of my dreams,
Always enduring, always distracting,
I pray these notions forever linger.

You will forever be my greatest pride,
To defend and honour till end of time,
Your flesh and blood embedded in me,
Part of me you will eternally be.

I know I’ve always said I loved you but you might think I never meant it but I can’t imagine not saying this, what I truly feel, before God decides it’s time to take you away from me, but even so, I’ll never go down without a fight to keep you, because you’re my life and soul. I’d die if someone took you away from me again. So sis, please accept what little I can offer in words. I love you.    

Thursday, May 11, 2006

New College...

Well, i'm in INTI College, Nilai, now. So far, i guess i'm ok. Nothing much to complain about but making friends is kinda hard, coz i dropped straight into Year 2 of the programme. INTI is totally the opposite of PRIME. The lecturers here are mostly very bubbly and some are nuts (in PRIME i only know of 1 lecturer that is bubbly and nuts). The campus here is so clean, student don't vandalize anything at all (back in PRIME, we always vadalized stuff that belonged to the college). The facilities here are more than enough for every single student, they have about 4000 to 5000 students here (in PRIME, we had to kill someone to get to use the facilities). Overall, i'm begining to like it here but i guess more company would do me some good... working on it...

Friday, May 05, 2006

Moving on...

My 3 years in Prime has gone by so fast. Thinking back, being in a sucky college like Prime wasn’t so bad. I made some great friends and loads of fond memories. Moving on from there is surprisingly hard for me. I don’t mind adapting to the new environment at Inti but something is holding me back. As I’m writing this blog entry, I’m listening to Greenday’s Time Of Your Life. The words struck me:

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this testand don't ask why.
It's not a questionbut a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.So take the photographsand still frames in your mind.Hang it on a shelfIn good health and good time.Tattoos of memoriesand dead skin on trial.For what it's worth,it was worth all the while.It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.I hope you had the time of your life.(music break)It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.I hope you had the time of your life.It's something unpredictablebut in the end it's right.I hope you had the time of your life.

It teaches us to hang on to old memories and never forget that it got you to where you are today. That’s a good way to live life. I guess that time will heal my wounds…

Monday, April 24, 2006

My 21st Birthday turned out good

My birthday turned out to be more than I expected. A lot of people turned up and I actually had some fun. I used to dread birthdays because it was meaningless to me. I never really celebrated it since maybe my 10th birthday. This 21st birthday showed me that life still had a lot to offer to me. Surrounded by my family members, relatives and a few friends, I actually felt that I belonged somewhere for once. Well, I guess that birthdays are worth celebrating after all. Celebrating is not the important point, whom you celebrate it with is more important. I have a feeling that things will turn around after this and some good things will happen but I can only hope. God plans and I execute. That’s how it works. I can’t wait to see what INTI College has in store for me, since I’m going there to do my degree on the 2nd of May onwards. I guess I’m ready for them, but are they ready for me? Hehehe!… that’s what I hope to find out….

Monday, March 20, 2006

Something that i can't have

Do you sometimes wish that you could have something that you know that you can never ever have? Even if you do everything you can to get it, it will never happen. The worst thing is that when someone else has it, you wonder what could or would have been and you never really forget or move on after that. It’s a terrible feeling, especially when it dangles right in front of your face and you want to reach out as far as you can to get it, but your hands are tied behind your back. You try not to be selfish, and you try to show that you’re fine without it, but inside, you’re suffering and slowly dying. It’s like being held back by a leash that’s slowly chocking you. Sacrifice is sometimes not worth it, you make that ‘someone’ happy but it’s ripping ‘you’ apart inside. I hate regrets but recently I think I committed the biggest mistake of my life by letting someone just fly away from my grasp and I can only sit here and wait for its doubtful return…

Monday, March 13, 2006

What i think about regrets....

Life is full of regrets and shame. I wish I could turn back time, to do something differently, to correct past mistakes. The reality is that we have to live with our mistakes. There’s no turning back. As much as we try to not repeat our past mistakes, it keeps haunting us and we keep doing it over and over again. Small mistakes often lead to bigger ones, which in turn, leads to regrets. I’ve tasted regret so many times that it now taste very bitter to me. Sometimes, it’s really hard to swallow. Most people say that we shouldn’t live on regrets. I say that they’re wrong. Regrets help us remember that we’re only human. Regrets force us to strive to be a better person. Regrets help us remember our roots and our humble beginnings. Regrets help us decide our future…

Sunday, January 29, 2006


It’s frustrating when you finally think that you’ve found something precious and later find out that its fake and imaginary. I get depressed when things I start to care about suddenly just turns around and spits at my face. It’s hurting and I just can’t stand it anymore. I thought I thought finally found real love but it turned out to be something cruel. She really took advantage of me, she just didn’t feel the way I felt about her. I hate pretenders. I would understand if she told me that she didn’t like me in the beginning but she played me and didn’t even tell me her intentions. To me, that’s the cruellest thing that someone can do to a person that trust and believed in them when others didn’t. I’ve finally gotten over her. I wish her all the best in her life and I’m still her friend. She’s meant to be with someone else. I’d be happy for her if she finds the man of her dreams but she really blew it with me. Well, you know the old saying, “There are many fish in the sea”.

Decision on my future… well, academically to be specific…

I’m deciding on my future as far as my studies are concerned. I’m finishing my Diploma in April and graduating. My results seem to be great and I’m sure that any college or private university would take me but I’m so fussy. I’ve decided to pursue a career in Networking. Its something I’ve always wanted to do. The problem is, there are very few places that offer this Degree course in Malaysia. I’ve found one in APIIT (Asia-Pacific Institute of Information Technology) in Technology Park, but they haven’t got approval from the government to run the course n most probably, it will only start in 2007. What the hell am I going to do for 1 whole year if I wait for the course to start? So, unfortunately I had to drop that and find an alternative. All my other alternatives seem to be second rate because Malaysia isn’t really big on Networking Degree courses. The other place I’m looking at is University Tenaga. It’s course looks nice but its far away from home. I would like to live outside my home for once but the expenses would be quite high and I don’t know if my dad can support me. It would also mean that I’ll lose my current part-time job and I won’t have money to splash around. That would really suck! That’s the dilemma I’m facing now. The choices are there but the decision is heavy and could alter the course of my future. Let’s just hope that I make the right decision and that I won’t regret my life in the future.