Monday, August 29, 2005

The Person That Means The Most To Me

Have you ever met a person that’s a complete stranger at first and never realize that the person will change your life forever? Well, I have. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I guess that you’ve probably heard that line about a thousand times. This is different, what I am to today, I owe it to her. When I looked into her eyes, I saw that ‘forever’ was in her eyes, she would never let me down. When I met her, I thought that she was just another girl. I was dead wrong. She took me into her heart and opened mine. To me it was lust or even a lover’s love. She was like the sister I never had. She lifted me up when I was at my lowest, she watched over me when I was unwell, she protected me when I was weakened, she was there to celebrate my triumphs and comfort my failures. Everyone thought that the kind of love that we had for each other was forbidden and not real, but deep inside, we didn’t care about them. We knew that our relationship was one of respect, understanding and genuine care for each other, although many were against it. Society judges’ people from the outside, why are they so shallow? Why has humanity become so conscious about what they themselves perceive as morally correct and incorrect? Why should they judge us when most of them are hypocrites? I really hate it when someone says that we can’t do something because it is not in our culture to do so. Did God ever say that he wanted us to live strictly to what we think is right and wrong conduct? Anyway, the tides turned on us and the pressure was mounting on me to let her go… easier said than done. Letting her go was like cutting away my right hand. I couldn’t. It was so hard. I tossed and turned every night, thinking about the decision that I was about to take. Finally, I decided that if I loved her, I would have to let her go. A decision that would haunt for the rest of my life. I didn’t realize that I’ll hurt her by making that decision, but I’d rather look like someone like let her down than to sacrifice her happiness and her future. Now, it has been almost a year since the day I made that decision and I stuck to it. I don’t know if she hates me now for being such a jerk, but I never told the reason for why I did what I had to do because too much and too many people’s happiness was at stake. I had to suppress all my feelings inside me so that she could forget me. My mind was strong enough to do that but my heart certainly wasn’t. Today, I don’t know how she is and what she thinks about me. Its not that I don’t care but I’m helpless to do anything. All I can do is pray hard everyday that God protects her and keeps her happy. Deep inside, I still hope that she forgives me and that our paths will cross one fine day in the distant future. You could say that our relationship ‘lasted forever, but ended so soon…’. I wish that I could tell her that “I try but I can’t get myself to think about anything but you. I want to be with you. To be the one that’s in your arms to hold you tight. There’s nothing else I want more than to feel this way…” but I will never spoil her happiness to gain my own. That’s how much she means to me…

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